The rampant claim that people who have ADHD are “good at self-sabotage” is actively harmful and counterproductive to people who have ADHD. In this post, I explain the mechanism for this harm, and why reframing our language is so key.
The connotation of the “self-sabotage” label is stigmatizing specifically through blaming and shaming. The parasympathetic nervous system interprets the feeling of shame as an indicator of a dangerous threat, and triggers our fight/flight/freeze mode.*
The neurobiology of ADHD means that we are equipped with very reactive nervous systems that enable us to quickly and easily access our survival skills. Our nervous systems are primed to be particularly vigilant for threats to our survival and the survival of our communities. This type of nervous system is why people who have ADHD tend to be excellent in an acute crisis, and why we tend to use coping strategies that simulate crisis, e.g. procrastinating until last-minute deadline-induced stress kicks in.
A way to reframe “self-sabotaging” behaviour in a more neutral way is: the use survival skills in environments that are safe - that is, in environments that don’t contain true threats to our survival. We use survival skills in situations where our survival isn’t actually at stake when our nervous system nonetheless interprets the environment as threatening.
Since feeling shame actually triggers fight/flight/freeze mode, shaming language serves to reinforce the use of survival skills. Actively choosing value-neutral language over shaming language is key to moving out of survival mode, because our nervous systems can effectively adapt to a safe environment when we no longer feel shame.
Reframing enables us to focus on developing /supportive/ resources within ourselves and our communities that convey safety to our nervous systems, so that we can effectively adapt our capacity to thrive, not just survive.
*See:
Shame and the Vestigial Midbrain Urge to Withdraw